Appropriately Wired Differently...

Know this...not all men are the same. Some of us are wired differently than the rest. There comes a time when we decide to put aside the bullshit, and start doin the real shit. The games, stop! The fakeness, stops! The lies, stop! And the 'side chicks'...they get permanently pushed to the SIDE! Why? So the real living can begin. So ones all can be given, and in turn received.

It might be hard to find us though...Especially if your still blinded by the bullshit the boys from the past said to you (with an "end game" in mind) As opposed to what the man the that stands before you, shows you (with you in mind). 

I assure you though, we're out here! When (and if) you find us, do 2 things. First recognize that things are different than the last, don't fight it. Second, don't let the man do the time now, for what your boy from the past did then.

Ventilation

'I may be too strung out on compliments, overdosed on confidence, starting not to give a fuck and stop fearing the consequence' - Drake

Ventilation:

They say that "It'll all come together when you least expect it," or they atleast say something similar to that. Shit I don't even know who "they" are or what "it" is, but the point I'm trying to make, is that "it" did come together. I woke up this morning and went through the regular routine like I always do, there was no change, no highlight, just got up, showered, get dressed and went to work. I arrived a minute or so late but I wasn't phased, the work was still gonna get done. I sat down, checked some things, ate some cereal, sent some emails and begin working on some additional work. At some point before 11am though, my attitude changed. I'm pretty sure I know why, but yall don't need to worry about it. Actually, fuck it, yea my attitude changed because of a simple text message. Or perhaps the lack there of a reply.

Now I must admit, it wasn't just the text. I've been kinda of edgy as of late and I guess today was just the straw that broke my back. I began writing something around lunch time to get my thoughts out and truth be told its still not finished (yet) and then I checked my facebook. Low and behold my homeboy 'the photographer' posted something that pretty much was a springboard for my 'ventilation'. A couple people commented and aside from the the photographers wife, they're not important, simply because I don't know them well enough to mention them.

The "photographer" said this... "Ladies please don't let your photoshoped pics, painted faces, plastic surgery, etc get to your head. All of that is fake. The real you is what you see in the mirror when you wake up. Make sure you really are bad before you start talking that talk and try to lose the tude.." It was a random thought on his side, but it might as well be the match the lit my fuse. Actually no, it was more like the detonator to my already primed charge [I've been hanging out with some military folks lately lol]. So I went in on what he said, saying 'say it again, damnit' but as soon as I pressed the enter key I knew it wasn't enough, so I retracted, deleted and re-wrote it first apologizing for the retraction and then pretty much going in on the ladies by saying that "YES, that is real fuckin talk. yall [meaning the ladies] want honesty from the dudes? Then please I invite you to read what the "photographer" just wrote, over and over and over again. Now I'm usually not like this...ask the photographer, shit ask the photographers wife... but the shit is getting to some of yalls heads and its fucking rediculous (<--in my kanye voice). Yes yall are beautiful, thats why we compliment and sometimes even try to get at you. But dont let your 'painted faces' (ha, thats funny) and all around sex appeal effect the the concept of your real inner beauty. period." Seconds later, the "photographer" gave me a kudos in the form of  "That was on point Foots!!!"

But oddly I wasn't finished, people who know me, know I'm about keeping a smile on a face especially that of a rather attractive woman. I prefer smiles over frowns or any other facial expression 9 times out of 10, but I guess I hit my boiling point (like I said, I got pushed over the edge) so I ran with it again.

I had to let whoever was reading it at this point know, that "I'm usually not like this...but fuck it I gotta let em know'. It was like the "Photographer" knew what I was talking about because he threw out his 2 cents on his attraction for "the more natural look." He went on to say that he's "Never been a boobie guy (lol) so implants and all that ain't for me. If u can pull off no make up, sweat pants and some jordans you a winner... A lot of girls these days are plain arrogant and delusional and I place a big part of the blame on dudes that will say and do anything to get some."..It was like dude was lining em up so I could knock em down, I felt exactly where he was coming from, we had similar, yet different, interests, so I let him know that he was on point in his statement, and then said 'anything more than a handful is over the top for me, cause I got some big hands (lol). But yea, I like em in sweats and J's too, but I can't lie, I love it when they're all 'painted' up as well. Perfection would be the way Aaliyah looked in that video with DMX [Back in 1 Piece], good lord...lol. We knew she looked good 'painted up' and what not, but in some sweats, a hoody, and some tims...WOW! And yea, arrogant and delusional (<--agree and agree) and HYFR [Hell Yea Fuckin Right] to what you said about these dudes who will say or do anything to get some cut. Thats not what lifes about. They'll realize that when they either A) get older or B) find someone who'll broaden their horizons further than 30 minutes of 'cut time'. Its dudes like them, that make it hard for real dudes to get anywhere with anyone. Pisses me the F*CK off actually. Step to a good girl and treat her good, don't spit some bullsh*t just cause you trying to hit..." I guess I shocked a few heads because the 'likes' came in and even the "photographers wife" said 'Foots, I knew I fucked with you homie.. well said...well said.."

Whats weird about it though, is I still don't think I got my point across....

It ended as fast as it started (pt.2)

"Hey, I know sh*t get kinda f*cked up sometimes you know, I know you can get kinda carried away with yourself. But uh, why dont you be real with me and be real with you at the same time. You can't get what you get here no where else ma. Keep it real now...You Knowwwwww"  -T.I

It ended as fast as it started...again. She entered his life with the same quickness as she had originally left it and before they knew it, things were back in full swing. Back to doing the things that felt right to do together, back to spending the time that was once a constant in their relationship. (Perhaps the speed at which things picked up is what made him blind). He always had a knack for making her smile and this time around the smiles seemed more genuine than the last. Everytime she did the feelings of the past would temporarily revisit him but he pushed them to the side and stayed caught up in the moment that was then.

He was in denial. Refusing to believe he was making, what others perceived as, a bad decision and some said was a mistake. He didn't head the words that echo'd in his head, and refused to believe that "he was setting himself up for failure."

Things appeared to be different than they once were, because there was actually 'effort' by her as opposed to it all coming from him. Despite their initial seperation, and the conditions that influenced such, it all seemed to flow smoother than before. Before long, he knew it, he was caught up and back to feeling like he had originally felt. Did she feel the same though? In realizing the same old things were happening again, he paused. He didn't want to be caught sleeping like last time nor did he want to be played the fool yet again.

In an effort to better understand the path the two appeared to be heading down, he asked a simple question. It wasn't "that" question, but based on her response, or lack there of, it might as well been. She treated this simple heartfelt no thinking required question it like it was a life altering decision and instead of saying what was in her heart, she remained silent. Silence is a motherfucka and he knew it. She seemed to know silence as a mind fuck. Yet still they kept on, and pushed the "non-resolved" to the side. She appeared to like it that way, continuing on and staying clear of any conversations which could harpen back on the answeer that she had yet to provide. Meanwhile he patiently waited, all while following through with being who he's always been to her.  He was a good dude.

Still though, he wanted an answer to his question, he felt he deserved it, especially based on their 'history'. But in his continued efforts to cater to her needs, which was foolish,  he allowed her what she considered 'time to organize her thoughts'. Nevermind the fact that a hearfelt question deserves a heartfelt response and planning" shouldn't be needed when responding from the heart. He knew this, and  she knew this, but still the words were never spoken (or written). So, holding on to a false hope, he allowed this response (or lack there of) to be adequate enough to continue on. He was foolish and in fact, 'setting himself up for failure'.

It wasn't until 1 night that he made a comment that changed his perception. This comment was slightly related to the avoided question, but more of a flirtation. He saw it as it as innocent in nature, as most of his comments towards her usually are. She however saw it as rude. At that point an all too familiar feeling quickly re-emerged and made its prescence known. He knew that in no time, things would end as fast as they started. But he didn't care at this point because she seemingly didn't care either. In 1 instance he allowed a side of him that she had never seen before to emerge, he let his inner asshole out and through sarcasm made his point about how he is deserving of a response.

He hasn't heard from her since.

It ended as fast as it started...again.

Read between the lines...

Read between the Lines:

It's been a quite a while since I last posted anything to my page. I don't know what's wrong with me, it's not like I haven't had the time to do anything. I actually found myself with more time than usual due to a stoppage in the extra curricular activities that generally occupy most of my evenings or entire weekends. Why? Because in my attempts to play football and a high level on a cold day where I didn't stretch enough, I inadvertently hurt my back and was sidelined for a good month or so. When it happened I told myself that I'd defiinitely be doing some writing while "on the sideline". But 'saying' and 'doing' are 2 different things and a majority of my "sideline time" was spent watching TV or surfing the net. Once again I was overtaken by "lack of following through" or more commonly referred to as laziness.

Actually no, I take that back, I have been following through on a few things, just not  necessarily the things I said I'd follow through on. I've had my eyes trained on and sights "dialed in" on something that...well something that's just creating more stress than needed. I need to just wash my hands of  it and keep it moving though because its not worth the headache anymore. Besides there are other things I could persue that would be less stressful yet more productive.

I need to stop focusing on 'the thought' and instead concentrate on 'the dream' and what it takes to accomplish it. At the end of the day it all comes down to me and I need to stop dragging my feet.

'Our Texts'

I actually wrote this a few months back, before the thought of a blogspot even entered my mind. Thought I'd share regardless.

'Our Texts'

I woke up this morning to the sound of my cell, right on time, @ 6am.

A couple bullsh*t emails, 1 from work, but yours came at 6:10.
 

'Are we still on for tonight Mr? I got something new at the store...

Last night I had the greatest dream, another fantasy to explore :)'
 

I checked todays schedule, "yes ma'am, I'm not traveling today.

Come 4:01, to you I'm on the way"
 

'I've got the food, to keep you strong,

And woke up angry, so you better make it LONG!'

 
"I like it when you tell and not ask, reminds me of 3 weeks ago,

I said 'baby you have to get to him' but you said, "dont stop, no...No...NO!"
 

'Yea I know...you like being told…to do the things that I enjoy

It’s like having my own… 6'7... 210 pound…chocolate sex toy'

 
"See there you go with that sexy talk, you know what turns me on....

Bad news love, I gotta run, jobsite fire alarm"
 

'Hurry sir and come to me, don't leave me here alone,

I'm in the tub, soapy wet, you've got till the bubbles are gone'
 

"I've got you ma'aml, you know I'm running, as fast as I can go,

I'll see you when I get done here, for you, I'll always show"
 

'Thank you sir, you be careful at your site...

Remember I'm extremely hungry..hurry up cum feed my appetite :)"
 

"I'm done already here I come, 10 minutes and I'm there...

Just rounded the corner, coming down the street, uh oh, I see his Cavalier"

2.13.12

Ok well its been a while since I last posted I know. But things have been going at a feverish pace since my last post. I've been making several trips to and from the Texas and Florida areas and while I thought I would have time to fabricate the occassional post or atleast drop some thoughts down, but to my surprise the reason I had to make these trips, work, has taken up quite the amount of time. Its like this, and those who work behind a screen day in and day out know, that when your behind a computer all day for 10 + hours, I don't want to be behind the computer screen anymore for another 2, 3, or 4. I suppose I could use the conventional pencil and paper. But then I'm always erasing, then re-writing, eraasing again, and paying more attention to the neatness of the word, or the structure of the letter as opposed to the actually writing. At least on a computer, its a little more simplified, neat and I haven't worn the hell out of yet another eraser (lol).

So like I said, its been pretty busy the last couple of weeks. I've written down some running thoughts that I can build off later. Some I'll most likely merge a few together and see what happens. But they're coming, I assure you. Plus I'm working on what I like to call my 'freelance journalism thing'. Its basically an interview where I pose questions (21 to be exact) to females with ink inspiring to be in (or already in) the inked model game. I take their responses, and then try to creatively express who they are behind the ink they posses. (Hot concept right? lol ) If you know me, you know I have a new obsession with ink, and I love women. So I might as well make something out of it. I went and started a new blogspot about it and its going to be completely dedicated to learning the meaning behind the female body of art. Its a work in progress and I'll prolly say a few things about it from time to time, but for the most part, everything about it, will be on the blogspot. I will say this though. I've already gotten partial/pending responses from ink models who have appeared on covers and in mutiple ink publications. And I have a 1 full response from a female who is surely on the fast track to accomplishing her goals while killing the ink model game. I say 'partial/pending vs full' responses becuase its 21 questions for now and its alot to answer. Now that may be too many questions for the "standard interview" but its my blog and its my concept, so if you have a problem, close the page or consult "The DisClaimer" from back in August 2011.

So thats about it for now, there's definitely more to say but apparently my conversation skills are lacking right now so I need to tend to other matters...stay tuned.

How was your day?

Its been that frustrating, kind of day

If I had a girl, she'd catch it ina way.

And by “it” you know what I mean

Lets see if my words, are some of your dreams....

If you were there when I got home

We’d do some talking but not for long.

Because I've had that kind of day,

Where I’d rather talk, a different way

I'd come through the door and call out for you

Then locate your lips, and body too

You'd say 'hello' and kiss me soft

And that’d be the key that started us off.

I'd pull you back in, to taste those lips

Your body coming too, with my hands on your hips

"Food is on the stove" …’its gonna get burnt’

"But I need to flip the tenders"…’ they're not getting turnt’

"And what about the curtains…” then you stop, look at me

My reply is ...’fuck those curtains, let neighbors see’

Against the wall you go, things are getting hot

Not just between our bodies, but in your lil spot

Down slide my pants, and off goes your skirt

I just got home, but I'm bout to go to work.

Off go your shirt, and all the other things

Except those heels you’re wearing and that pair of earrings

Kissing on your chest, making my way down south

Bout to make your body shake, only using my mouth

Legs feeling week you can’t stand anymore

Lay you on the couch, instead of the floor.

Before you even know it, I'm deep inside of you

Your love is like a sickness, and I’m tryin to catch the flu.

Don’t wanna take my time, gonna give it to you rough

You gonna beg me stop, saying you had enough.

I'm hearing your lil moan, but I’m bout to make you scream,

Something like the ‘Wu’ but a different kinda cream

From the couch, to the table, the wall and then the floor

You tell me not to stop while your pressed against the door

Back across the table, feel the surface on your breast

Our always clean house, steady looking like a mess

Pick you up fast, wrap your legs around my waist

Heading up the steps, but steady keeping up the pace

In the bed now your grinding slow on top

I’m at my peak now but don’t want you to stop

Our bodies explode, in that special way ;)

Now I'm asking you. How was your day?

Chapter 7 (The Pandemic)

Chapter 7 (2011): " Life, Lessons, Learned "

Sometimes when I'm watching movies or TV shows I wonder 'why they don't continue them on to another season', or another series. But see that in itself is the genius part about why they don't, because it leaves us asking for more. Well I've been asking for more, so instead of leaving the series at an abrupt halt, I picked it right back up.

You all know how my sickness started, and if you don't then perhaps you should go back and read *The Pandemic*. I wouldn't say I've "relapsed", because I never said I was quitting, so instead I'll go ahead and say it I thINK i'm ADDICTed! [Shout outs to the Ink Addict brand!].

The title of the piece is "Lifes, Lessons, Learned" and is a battered (but not broken) angel who looks like she has been through hell and back.

-This was the day after I got it her, fresh ink photos are always the best! [Excuse the facial expression lol]

-2 weeks later. Healed great [I'ma get another HD pic tho]

Her Story? Well the battered (but not broken) angel, story is exactly how it sounds. She's been through hell and back, but still remains on my side. It goes a bit deeper than that, there are a few avenues of perspective you could travel down, but we won't get into that. Anyway, I like to call this the "title piece" to my body of art because all the ink on my body is in is "Life Lesson Learned". Danny Fugate  of' 'Ambition Tattoo' (Knoxville, TN) did it at InkFest Live in DC. Shout outs to Danny, you did your thing and thanks for hooking it up on short notice. Also shout out to the InkFest Live crew! Great shows, artists, and battles.

<Sneeze> Wheww, excuse me. I must be coming down with something, must be chapter 8!

Comeback Season

[Ok so I started this last week, and finished it up. Getting into this once a week thing. Taking things slow...lol]

Thursday, 1.12.12

I just got home from work and after a bit of strenuos day, all I can say is "bring on friday the 13th". I'm looking forward to whatever tomorrow presents because I'm tired of dwelling on the past. I actually told one of the twins today, I said "twin, I'ma tell you what everyone else been telling me about the 'past'.....F*CK the past! Its called "the past" for a reason. Reflect back, but don't dwell. Better days and better things are ahead. And if you keep looking back, you'll never see it when its front of you". Twin didn't say much after that so I guess she got my point. [lol, love you twin] Regardless, its true talk. Last year was some...well it was something. It started out with promise, everything was good, and more times than not, it was great. But of course it couldn't stay good or great for long, not without the effort, and with lack of effort, all good things turn bad. And bad they got, like really bad. And the year quickly transitioned from being 'the SHIT' to being some shit!

Let me put it like this....
It was like running a 200m or 400m race. When the ball dropped, BOOM! I was out of the starting blocks and ahead of the pack and quickly. Oh I owned everyone in that first hundred and fifty meters, "can't catch me!". But then slowly but surely, meter by meter the pace and speed slowed, I got lax and gradually lost focus of the things ahead. Before I knew it, instead of leading the pack, I was trying to stay in pace, seconds later I fell behind and began chasing to catch up. But my legs wouldn't let me and by the end of the race....I had posted the slowest time in track history.

If you get the metaphor, yea it was that bad.

BUT!! With the New Year, comes a New Day and so far, so good. Not great, but good! And thats perfectly fine. It doesn't need to be great now in order for it to be great later. It'll come when it comes so for now, 'Be Patient, Stay Focused, and Follow Through'. LMAO. I've been saying that since Jan 1st, 2012 and it sounds better and better every time. I got plans for this year, and albeit late, they're gonna get done this time around! I'ma do what I should've been doing for years, accomplish what I intend to accomplish. I've definitely learned from the past, I'm still learning to this day. I'll be learning tomorrow and the day after that. But come racetime we're gonna take a different approach, quick out the blocks? (oh of course) but with a pace that gradually speeds up. By the time the last 100 meters comes around, I'll be at top speed and on my way to a record time.

Comeback season, ya know?

Ha, I like the sound of that, "Comeback Season". The season where instead of finishing last, I'll be finishing first. I've got some ideas, and some things I wanna do with this writing. I see new ink on the horizon and a more in depth look into what I refer to as the 'perfect art of a body' (or perhaps 'the perfect body of art'...hmm it needs work regardless). That girl Sallie is gonna get the rest of her money this year too! I'm tired of her being on my back! I'ma take some trips, and I'ma learn some things elsewhere. Then I'm gonna come home, and then go some where else and learn some more things. And all at the same time I'ma be doing my thing and getting sh*t done!Yes more chapters to my inked life are coming as well, I told you its a sickness, and well I got the flu. lol. Matter fact, I still haven't shed any light on the recent inkfest piece. But I will, its pretty much what has kick started things into 2012. More to come on that, its already in the works.

New Year, New Day

Happy New Year and welcome to a brand NEW day. Every year I say that “this year is going to be different” and to its credit, it has been. But this year is definitely going to be different than the rest. This year has already started unlike the others, but we’ll get into that a lil later. Today is 1.4.12, and they say that you have the first week of the New Year to set your resolutions, so while I still have time, let’s consider this, a look into some of mine.

“Stay Focused, Be Patient, Follow Through”

As I said before this year started completely different than the rest. Instead of the usual shenanigans with my close friends, I went in an opposite direction and hung out with a different group of people. Namely my roommate and her friends, which definitely wasn’t a bad look considering my roommate and her friends are pretty hot [I give credit where credit is due, just saying]. While out and in the midst of unlimited shots, mixed drinks, and champagne I got to talking with a female who was having fun, but not the FUN she should’ve been having. After a few seconds I could tell the issue was with her former boyfriend and the fact that they weren’t together on NYE unlike years past. The reason, from what I could gather, was because they weren’t together due to some bullshit that was going (and had been going) on, for a while. In my opinion dude sounded like he didn’t deserve her, especially with being as hot as she was. Now, I didn’t know her to a tee, but she had a warm personality and seemed to be an easy going individual. She’s a woman so naturally, I’m sure she wasn’t always the most pleasant person, but no one ever is, not men, not women, not anyone. But I don’t think the guy realized her worth and what he had in front of him. We guys tend to make those mistakes. And usually when we do, it’s too late to fix what we most likely screwed up. Same thing applies to women as well, but I can’t speak fully for them. But yea, dude didn’t deserve her, again my opinion. My advice to her was to “say goodbye to the drama and bullshit that the years past have brought, and hello to the new year, the new possibilities, and the new life.”

NYE is the one night you can do that, you can go out and party your ass off, or you can sit at home and watch the ball drop. Regardless of who you’re with… family, friends, new friends, or people you don’t even know. Once that ball drops and the NY is officially started, then right then and there you then have the option to put what should be behind you, behind you. You can leave it for what it’s worth and move past it, or you can choose to bring it and all the bullshit it comes with, into the NY. Obviously I’m speaking from the perspective of someone who didn’t quite have the best year. No, it wasn’t a great year, a lot of great things happened to some great people in my life and I’m proud to be their friend. But if I had to grade “my year” on a scale of 1-10 (10 being GREAT), my year gravitated in the 4-6 regions mostly. It had its share of high points and low points but they were nowhere near equal. I’m not going to get into it, but let’s just say the things that should’ve happened, didn’t, and the things that shouldn’t have happened, did. And yes, it was my entire fault [believe me when I say, I know that], however one can only dwell on things so much before it consumes them. I’ve dwelled on it long enough and I am tired of being consumed by something I can’t control. I refuse to sit around and dwell on the past and the things I can’t change. “Everything happens for a reason, and the answers will come”, so I’m going to stay focused on the present, while living for the future. I’m going to keep a clear head and not let the distractions keep me from reaching my goals.

I’ve prided myself in being persistent with a lot of things in the past sometimes I can be overly persistent and while I have been told that “persistence is key.” I’ve also been told that “sometimes persistence can be perceived and interpreted incorrectly and results in overkill.” Both true statements that I have come to learn over the past years, it is what it is. At times my over persistence jades my mind so much that when my perceived thought of what may come to fruition actually happens a different way, then I take it to heart and beat myself up over it. When in actuality, it’s the expectation that I established that inevitably ‘did me in’. So as opposed to the continuous and sometime overly persistent persona I have adopted. I’m going to ease back, be more patient in some aspects and let things happen as they happen. I can’t change someone’s mind completely or influence the outcome to work out to the way I want completely. All I can do is bide my time, continue to be positive, continue to be me, and let things happen as they happen. With hard work and determination my time will come, and that’s when I’ll ROCK that shit! As long as I continue to put myself in the best position for the best outcome, it will happen. I can’t expect it to happen overnight or within a time period all the time though. I have to be patient.

When I was learning how to play basketball, my mom, dad, and numerous coaches taught and drilled “follow through” into my head. “Spread your fingers, flick your wrist, and follow through” and based on my shooting percentage, I eventually bought into it. But I had to learn the hard way that spreading my fingers and flicking my wrist doesn’t matter if I don’t follow through. This principle doesn’t just apply on the court though, it also applies in life. Achieving your goals would be making the basket. So spreading your fingers is 1 of the driving forces in making this possible since it helps rotation on the ball.  Next is flicking the wrist, doing so helps with the speed the ball will travel in the air as well as rotation. But if there is no follow through, then it doesn’t matter how much you spread your fingers or how much you flick your wrist, your still going to miss more times than you’d make it. With me and some of the things I’ve been through, I’ve said a lot, I’ve put the thought into it and sometimes I’ve actually begun the act of following through. But that’s where it has stopped, either I get lazy, preoccupied or simply bored with whatever the concept is and it becomes a thing of the past, and therefore a missed shot. I’m tired of my lack of follow through, if this was an actual basketball game, I’d have gotten pulled out of the game for my lack of motivation [“You’re playing like you don’t want to play, you’re just going through the motions, you’re not cutting hard, you’re not being a presence, you’re not finding space or playing with any heart or confidence. Shits not going to fall in your lap in this game, you have to go get it! But since your not playing like you want it, sit your ass down here beside me while someone who wants to play, who wants it, does”]. In a nutshell there are a lot of things out there that I have started but didn’t finish, they’re either sitting there incomplete or not there anymore at all. I’ve left work incomplete, I’ve left life growth situations incomplete, and I’ve left ideas and concepts incomplete. All with endless possibilities of what they could be, grow to be, or turn in to, I have left them severely incomplete because I didn’t follow through, instead I got complacent and I didn’t finish. Not anymore though, I’m tired of being complacent and not following through. This is a NY and a new day, not time for complacency of a lack of follow through, no sir! I’m going to achieve my goals, and in doing so I’ll be focused, I’ll be patient, but most importantly, I’ll follow through.