Now, as you can see, Buddy is not a human being. No opposible thumbs so that whole 'door opening, toilet flushing' option that we (humans) have is not available for him. Before you ask, no, he is not mine. I'm puppy sitting for the next week [in case its not clear in the first paragraph] and so far, so good. Buddy actually belongs to my cousin...we'll call him 'Gap'. [lmao...I know some people are laughing their asses off by now]. And while he's off frolicking on the beach with his girl and her family. Buddy's kicking it with Uncle Foots and like I said, so far, so good. This morning however, started with an alarm clock, a near incident involving a paw and my crotch, an empty water bowl, 1 work shirt, an unlatched gate, mud, an old couple, and a van. [Please try to contain yourself]
As the alarm clock sounded waking me up out of the oh so pleasant dream [no I'm not talking about 'groundhog day' {posted earlier} ] I was having. I quickly pushed the snooze button, and put my head back down. I hadn't heard any other movements, so I said "Buddy", which proved to be a mistake. Clearly he sleeps a little lighter than I do and saw this as an opportunity to let me know he was awake. Not by walking around the room [I have hardwood floors]. Not by wagging his tail against the multiple objects in the room. Not by drinking his water in gulp fulls like a saint bernard [he does this] or even barking. Oh no, THIS lil bastard took the 6 feet between his bed and mine, somehow found traction with his lil puppy feet and came at me like a charging bull. Atleast thats what I think, I really don't know, my eyes were closed. All I heard were multiple taps on the ground, a very quick pause, followed by 35 lbs of puppy on my stomach and on my legs. Fortunately, his aim isn't quite that good yet, so hs front paws landed in my stomach, and his back two on my legs. At that point, I decided it was time to get it up. Buddy agreed and in heading for the door, OOPS there goes the water bowl into the food bowl. Clearly, he had to pee.
So I let him out, but naturally, he comes back to the door immediately after I close it. So I step outside with him, boxer briefs and all. A few minutes later, he's peeing while I'm dancing beause I have to do the same thing. I turn to go in and here he comes under my legs. In stepping to avoid tripping over him, I slip in the water and fall into my papasan chair, which in turn, falls over its base and on to the ground. Apparently this action gave him the impression that it was "play time" so he took 2 laps around the room and back out the door he went, tounge hangin tail waggin the whole time. Now, the backyard is your standard townhome size, with a brick patio under the deck. My entrance is a fence and a door, with a latch. I swear I dont know how he did it but I all I hear is a latch click. I knew this wasn't good but mind you I'm still attempting to climb out of my papasan that has now fallen over. So by the time I get up, I take the fresh work shirt I had laying out for work, throw it on the ground to soak up the water, and then back out the door I go. No, I still have not gone to the bathroom!
I walk out the gate, look left, nothing, look right, nothing [I swear he has a warp drive installed somewhere ] , and then I hear it, the double tap of a car horn. I look left again and here he comes Buddy, full speed, no break. Now Gap told me he was fast and has some force, 'he knocks down No-No all the time when he's running like this', but I guess this slipped my mind. So instead of making him heal. I bend at the knee and attempt to catch him but with no success..this time however, his head, found the target he missed earlier. So at 6:05am, I've now unintentionally although rather successfully managed to find the ground, twice. Luckily it was the top of his head and not the mouth bearing puppy teeth. So now I'm going through my "ooohhh you lil shit, your gonna pay for that" routine and here he comes again. But this time he takes his paw, and puts it on my face, I guess to symbolize he's sorry ("awww") Cute right? WRONG! His paw had mud (at least I hope it was mud) on it. So now, I've got that 'just got slapped in the nuts' feeling going on in my stomach, mud on my face, I'm still in my white boxer briefs, and oh look, here comes the 65 year old plus married couple on their morning walk, AND the hot Mom with her kids on her way to work in their minivan. Buddy sits at the entrance to the gate and smiles like it was all planned and his elaborate scheme has come together without a hitch. I say "good morning" to the old couple as they wave (and laugh, quite loud actually) while also waving hello to the family in the minivan [no surprise that she picked up speed a little bit].
As I turned to go back in the house, there was nothing I could do but look at Buddy and say, "well come on, some of us still have to pee", this time, he followed me in, slowly. I went straight to the bathroom, relieved myself and then took a shower. By the time I came back in the room, his ass was sleep on his blanket, like HE had had a long morning. Tommorrow, definitely going to the bathroom, 1st.
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